In 2006 I had an epiphany that changed my life. It made me stop berating myself for "failing as a dancer" and allowed me to recreate my relationship with dance...or at least begin to. The epiphany was: DANCE IS THE PHYSICAL EMBODIMENT OF A SPIRITUAL STATE. It's not steps, it's not whether your toes are pointed or how high your leg goes. It's you, unmasked. Martha Graham said "Movement never lies"...and how true that is.
When I set out to do this challenge I had a certain vision in mind. I pictured myself in beautiful yoga clothes and colourful scarves dancing my heart out with joy radiating from every cell in my body. That's what I picture when I think of myself dancing. But, of course, it didn't turn out that way.
I've had a not-too-good couple of days. I feel off-balance and closed-off from people and, frankly, scared out of my mind. And I really wanted my dance to take me out of that and make me happy. Sometimes you can do that. But I think the happy needs to be there in your heart, at least a little bit, in order for that to happen and not feel forced. It wasn't there. My dance was closed off, boxed in, reaching out, yes, but in a desperate way. And the entire session was overshadowed by the feeling of "oh no, what if people are watching me" and tinged with anger and a need to cry...which also didn't happen. Actually, come to think of it, it was an exact reflection of how I've been feeling.
So you know what? Never mind how I thought the dance "should have been." There is no "should have been." It was me. And that's how I was today. If I learn to be OK with that, I think that would be a tremendous step forward.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment